Begin Again
by JLawismyinspiration
Summary: She's seven years old when she first runs away. 3x16 SPOILERS


She's seven years old when she first runs away. She runs to the movies, but gets lonely and goes home.

Her parents didn't notice she was gone.

_She decides that running away is stupid, and she'll never do it again._

And then she's fifteen, following her friend into the dark. And later, when Aria asks where Alison is, she realizes she doesn't know.

_She doesn't know._

_She doesn't know._

And that scares her.

But a year later, standing in front of Alison's grave,

She decides knowing is worse.

She thought the worst thing in her life was being ignored.

By her parents, by Melissa.

Then the texts start.

Signed -A

Watching her every move, knowing everything about her, and it's torture.

Torture.

Because she's not safe and not happy.

_She decides being unknown is easier, not that she has a choice anymore._

Then she meets him. And he makes her feel happy and safe.

A safe place to land. He makes her smile. He makes her forget the lies and texts and fear, if only for a moment.

She buys him a truck, and gives him a key to her heart.

It feels right.

But when he leaves, her world starts to crumble.

But he comes back.

He always does.

And even though he ignores her, she can't help feeling a little bit of hope.

And then she's almost tossed over a cliff and it's over

_It's over._

_It's over._

And he's there, with his truck and

_Pretending not to love you was the hardest thing I've ever done._

And suddenly she's safe and happy all over again.

And then the texts start again. More lies, more secrets. And she can't help but lie to protect him, because he is her everything.

Because he loves her and she loves him and that's all that matters.

She thinks.

But when the storm hits and

_Oh god._

_Oh god._

_Oh my god._

Because he sweet loving kind boy is none of those things, and her legs can't hold her up anymore.

And she can't hold back her tears.

And she still loves him.

_Somehow she knows that he loves her too._

And she cries in her mother's arms.

_She thinks about how it's the first time she's ever cried in front of her mother._

Her friends find out soon enough, in a night filled with tears and hockey sticks swung at the sides of a truck.

And then they curl up together on her bed and cry. Because Ezra is god knows where, and Maya is dead and Hanna knows how Spencer feels because Caleb once did the same to her.

Because they've each lost someone who should have stayed.

And the next night they are sitting in her living room and

_I just want to leave._

_I want to leave._

_Then let's go._

They share a look, and suddenly the world is moving in slow motion.

They pack her stuff first, clothes and things they absolutely need.

House by house, their last stop Hanna's.

And when they get outside bags in hand

_Oh god._

_Oh god._

_Oh god._

Because Caleb is standing in front of the car, and he knows what they're doing.

She approaches, about to speak an explanation, a plea when he holds out his hand and opens the door.

And helps her into the car.

And then Aria next to her, and Emily into the driver's seat.

And then Hanna into the passenger seat. He kisses her head and shuts the door. And says, barely above a whisper,

_I know._

Because he does. He knows what they've been through. he knows what it's like to be ignored, not loved, betrayed. He knows.

They drive away.

And don't look back

They stop when they hit the ocean. The Pacific, far away from anything they have ever known.

They step out of the car and on to the sand. It's dark outside and the waves crash in front of them, never stopping, a soothing lull.

They have nowhere to go, and nowhere to be.

And then it hits her.

Like a car, like a train, it bring her to her knees and she heaves a sob.

The other girls start to cry too, kneeling on the sand.

_It's the first time they've ever felt free._

It's Christmas Eve, a year later. They bought a condo, six bedrooms, and right on the ocean. It's smaller than any house in Rosewood.

It feels more like home than Rosewood ever did.

They don't have many presents, or money to buy things with.

They feel more rich than they ever did in Rosewood.

When the doorbell rings, they no longer worry at the thought of who might be on the other side.

When Hanna opens it, and jumps into the person's arms, they realize that it's okay to not have everything you want.

_Because being here with Hanna and Aria and Emily and now Caleb, she realizes family is all you need._

It's five years later and life is good.

They all have jobs on the side, but mostly they run a store together, clothing, designed by Hanna, who was the only one of them to go to college.

_Spencer always thought that was ironic._

Emily was working the register when the bell chimed and door opened.

She looked up to a face she hadn't seen in years. Brown hair, blue eyes and an expression that looked like he was afraid of being punched across the face.

Toby knew he should be scared.

But when Emily nearly knocked him over with her hug, he somehow knew everything would be forgiven. And Hanna and Aria smile and hug him too as they wait on the arrival of their fourth friend.

And she nears the beach, where they all kneeled all those years ago and sees him, and almost faints.

But Spencer decides that running away is stupid, and it's okay to not know everything, and the one thing she does know is that Toby loves her.

That night she awakes to him in the kitchen. She usually sleeps through the night now, which never happened back in Rosewood.

But she sees him.

_Can't sleep?_

_No._

_Come with me._

And she leads him into the living room and sits on the floor, and pulls out the only possession other than clothes that she brought from Rosewood.

A scrabble board.

He smiles, and sits across from her.

And just like that, they begin again.


End file.
